APRIL 1, 2013 - In a show of unity, Illinois Wesleyan athletic coaches have elected to go without salaries for the next two years as the University undergoes a building project that will place domes over outdoor fields – one dome will cover both the soccer field and the baseball field while the other will cover Tucci Stadium and the adjacent softball field.

To a person, the IWU coaches have agreed that not receiving money for the next 24 months will be worth it to pay for the tent project because there will be no more rainouts or postponements and they will actually be able to live more scheduled lives and see their families frequently. (One winter sport coach dissented, saying they are not affected by fall or spring sports or “any of those crazy things played outdoors.”)

The “tent” over the baseball/softball fields will extend from the parking lot to the south of Jack Horenberger Field all the way to the green-roofed building just north of the soccer field.
The other proposed tent will stretch from the north roof of the Shirk Center, cover Tucci Stadium and go over the Sugar Creek extension on the north side of the softball field.

The plan is for both tents to be one-piece units to eliminate any seams in the middle of the approximately two-block long and wide material. An unnamed source says that IWU would be looking to buy two of the largest pieces of canvas ever believed sold in the United States to construct the tents, which would also get the school in the Guinness Book of World Records.
The "Tommy Titan" logo will be on each roof as estimates are that the roofs of the tents/domes will be visible from the planet Mars. Which can only help admissions.

An unfortunate component is that the ceiling on both domes will be only 30 feet high, which will limit flyballs, kickoffs and punts and “Hail Mary” passes. Negotiations are underway with the conference to allow balls to be played as live when they are hit or punted off the ceiling.

Construction updates will be released every April Fool's Day.